New born and his family - part II

New born and his family - part II

Data: 20.11.2009

New born and his family - part II

The role of the father
The baby's birth has also a big impact on his father. Many fathers feel lonely and they trying to manipulate the baby. The father has to understand that the mother is making great effort to bond with her baby. New born babies need a key figure which they can attach to, so they will be able to organize their behavior; usually, this person is his mother. Without this influence the new born remains disorganized and restless.
The father doesn't have to feel threatened by this affinity between mother and child. He can be helpful by taking over some household tasks, including cleaning, bottle-feeding, changing diapers, walking the baby with griping pains; he becomes more sensitive to his exhausted wife's needs who often hesitates to ask for help, taking care of the other children, and so he attaches more to the new born baby. His contribution in new born baby's raising and growth is different from his mother's. The father who plays with his baby creates a more intense emotional bond with him. Their play is noisier, more vigorous, the baby is laughing out loud and he is happy. The mother provides a smoother kind of playing by cradling him, singing to him and caressing him. The baby appreciates both kinds of playing and he develops better through this difference.

Brothers and sisters
Over three years old brothers generally enjoy the birth of a new baby. Usually, less than three years old don't like sharing the time spent with their parents or their love. The baby's first thought is how the new born's coming will affect him. The jealous baby thinks that the new born will catch all the attention instead of him. He feels he is neglected and he wants to be held and walked, especially when his mother is taking care of the new baby.
For the babies less than three years old attaching to the new baby can be facilitated by presenting him before his birth. His mother shows him her abdomen as it grows, he lets him feel the baby's movements, she tells him about the coming baby and she includes him in the conversations about the new baby, she shows to him illustrated books with pictures of pregnant women, explaining to him how the new baby is growing. If they are allowed, the newborn's brothers and sisters will visit the childwife and the baby in the hospital. The parents could make things easier for the older brother by asking him to help them take care of the baby (when they bathe him, he could help finding the nipple, give him toys, for example), showing him much affection all the time and spending at least a half an hour a day alone with him. While his mother is nursing the baby, changing his diapers or is taking care of him, she must tell him what she is doing or about how she used to do so when he was just a little baby. The older son must be encouraged to touch the baby or to play with him, but only in the presence of his mother, to hold him while sitting on the bed. He shouldn't be told "don't touch the baby", but he won't be allowed to carry him until he is mature enough, eventually until he is of school age. It is normal for the older brother to temporarily regress in their daily eating, sleeping or cleaning habits. Picking up again the nipple, sucking his fingers, sleeping disorders, temporary losing control or his aggressive behavior towards the new born, all these are other possible regression signs. These issues shouldn't be criticized, but parents must intervene promptly, showing tolerance for any kind of aggression. They must offer more options to the child: when he is angry with his little brother, he should be hugged by his parents. In this case, the father may be really helpful, offering something special to each child. During this period, parents should avoid dramatic changes in their children's life, sending them to the nursery, for example. The age difference of less than two years between two brothers makes the elder react more negative. The ideal age difference is two or three years or more. This period of 2-3 years allows the mother to recover, the baby to grow and the parents to develop their ability to take care of the baby.

Grandparents
The children whose grandparents involve in their life, progress more in their childhood and later in life. The grandsons who spend a lot of time with their grandparents come to appreciate them and to find a source of love and guidance in them when they grow up. Grandparents could be of invaluable help.
However, they have to respect their sons way of raising the children, which may be different from what they were accustomed. They must avoid taking control in raising their grandchildren. They shouldn't correct or criticize the way their sons raise the new born, if there is no real danger. They should control their discontents or do something else (for example, clean the house, go shopping), make only positive remarks about the new born, to compliment the mother for how brave she was, to not express disappointment about the baby's gender or mention the hardships to come. Quit smoking should be the first gift that the grandparents should offer their grandchildren.



Read the English version of this article: New born and his family - part II